I finally did it. It only took twenty sessions, but I feel like I finally nailed what I’m going for as a DM. A session that was a little zany, rewarded creative thinking, and was more than a little infuriating for my players. Which makes me reflect on the type of person I am, if I’m honest. I don’t know how I feel about that.
On the flip side, I’m honestly not sure I’ll be able to convey this session very well. There was a lot of ‘in the moment’ sort of stuff going on. But I’ll do my darndest.
The session began with the party beginning their trek into the jungle. It was tough going, with both Monk and Mortimer suffering exhaustion on the first day of trekking, and by the evening the party had no idea what kind of progress they were making. At the very least, though, they found a small clearing with fresh air and a stream running through it to take a long rest in. Monk and Mortimer bedded down, while the Bull, the new moniker by which Brakken has requested to be called due to his new, not-really-feeling-like-himself-anymore form, took up watch.
It wasn’t until the morning that anything happened. Shortly before the others would be waking, as the light of the day was just beginning to arrive, Bull heard some strange noises coming from the jungle. He went over to investigate, staring into the green with his axe at the ready, but nothing came of it. However, moments later, he heard what can only be described as a lapping sound coming from the stream near his sleeping companions. Turning slowly, he was confronted by the sight of a tyrannosaurus rex standing not ten feet from Monk and Mortimer, taking a drink from the stream.
But that was all. Bull didn’t move, and neither did the t-rex, as it continued to drink and seemingly had either not noticed or was ignoring him. Nothing changed this status quo at all, in fact, until both Monk and Mortimer awoke almost simultaneously. And they were not prepared for the sight of a dinosaur standing above them.
Luckily, their sudden, shocked yelping/screaming (depending on who you ask) startled the t-rex and it booked it, charging off into the jungle. It was several hours before there was any sign of it again, after Mortimer had completed his beauty sleep and his morning skin care routine. The party was preparing to leave the clearing when the ground started to rumble with the footsteps of a giant terrible lizard, but Bull decided he didn’t care and just headed off into the jungle. So the others followed, and they never saw head nor tail of the t-rex again. And that was that.
Several more hours of hard slog passed, with Mortimer eventually succumbing to exhaustion again shortly before the party saw another break in the trees. They hurried towards it, only to find, as they stepped from the trees, that they were standing on a beach. A beach with a certain familiar airship some short distance away.
Bull, in particular, took this poorly. This was the moment the session truly began to get infuriating for the party. This was also the moment things took a turn for the… different.
Approaching the airship, the party noticed a person standing by it. A person with a somewhat odd outfit, most notably a vest with alternating orange and powder blue vertical stripes, and carrying a speaking cone, a notepad and a quill. Most definitely intriguing.
Upon seeing the party, he waved them over and asked if the airship was theirs. He then explained that it was illegally docked and they were to be fined forty gold. Bull took this less than well. His reaction of picking up the Docking Inspector and threatening him earned him two more fines: interfering with an inspector’s duty and illegal entry to the island. Both of these were attached to his breastplate, and the first fine was attached to the ship’s hull, with the explanation that without being paid, they would not be able to be removed, Bull would not be able to leave the island, and the airship would not be able to take off.
The party reacted to this by going into a huddle. When their discussion reached the suggestion of doing… harmful things to the inspector, he ran off to his boat. Bull tried to chase, but wasn’t fast enough to make up the lost ground and he got away.
For the sake of keeping track, let’s see what the party’s current debt was: 200 gold for the three fines. For reference, they had about 32 gold between them. Keep these numbers in mind.
Upon testing the airship, the party discovered that while they could power up, it was indeed incapable of leaving the ground. Monk seemed to accept this and was a proponent for paying the fines so they could get it all sorted legitimately. Bull wasn’t having it and started off along the beach in the same direction as the inspector, since he had also explained that the island was enchanted and anyone entering the jungle would end up turned around and walking out around the same spot within a day or two, just like the party did, but also that there was an official entrance on the eastern side of the island. Mortimer’s reaction was somewhat more… explosively minded.
First he tried peeling the fine off the ship, then he tried blasting it with a firebolt, and finally he tried cutting that part of the hull off. All three had zero impact, although Mortimer did notice that each attempt was affecting the writing on the fine by adding a count to a ‘tampering with legally issued ticket’ sub-clause. Each addition also added 100 gold to the total amount. So we’re currently at 500 gold.
Meanwhile, Monk hurried off to catch up to Bull. They strode along the beach, but upon reviewing their map realised it would take a good couple of days to walk the whole way. But they did have a faster mode of transport in a flying carpet, which was currently in their bag of holding. Which was with Mortimer.
By the time they got back, Mortimer had decided that the magic protecting the notice would have to run out eventually if he kept stabbing it. His 87 strikes had resulted in his interference alone creating a 9000 gold debt, on top of the value of the fines. That’s 9200 gold at this point.
Yep.
But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The party hopped on the carpet and flew towards the east of the island. With an overnight flight, they arrived the next day at the beach entrance area to the Goldmine, where a couple of tiki shacks were set up to greet what was quickly becoming a growing queue of visitors.
Bull tried to bypass everything and walk right into the jungle where the guests were entering. He was accosted by a pair of security guards, but his natural 1 on an attempt to threaten them saw them let him pass, only to discover that some sort of invisible force field prevented him from entering the jungle. The laughing guards then told him the only way to get in was by joining the queue, and begrudgingly, Bull did so.
Eventually the party reached the front of the queue and spoke to someone who explained that the only way to enter was by booking a room, which would cost 35 gold per night. Unable to pay it outright, the party had to elect to ‘pay it forward’, meaning they wouldn’t be able to leave the hotel until their room was paid off. Somehow.
Finally being given their room ticket, the party proceeded into the jungle. The moment they passed the threshold of the invisible barrier, they found themselves in a large, clear area with a pair of large swimming pools and a massive building, in a sort of triple-stepped-pyramid style of construction, with the engraved gold title of ‘The Goldmine’ above the entrance. Hotel guests milled around everywhere, and overall, the weather felt a lot more pleasant within this barrier than it had in the jungle proper.
The party entered the hotel and made their way to reception, where they were given a room. Monk and Mortimer went up to it, but Bull requested to speak to the manager. When it was explained that the hotel manager, a Mr Blong, was incredibly busy with the opening of the museum (it was due to open the very next day, no less) and would not be able to see him, he decided to just stand in the reception area and wait. Several hours passed before he eventually got bored and heading off to one of the bars in the restaurant area. But we’ll get back to that.
Meanwhile, Mortimer decided to tamper with the gas heating apparatus in the hotel room and then call down that he could smell gas. He then went down to reception to make a complaint (it was a thing – everything the party was doing, or rather, everything Mortimer and Bull were doing at this point was for the express purpose of speaking to someone higher up, though they weren’t having much luck) while some janitorial staff were sent up to the room. While they were there, Monk learned from them that the shard the party was looking for was in the museum.
Downstairs, Mortimer made a big old Complaint, didn’t really get anywhere, and then ran into the staff-only area. He was chased by security, almost got caught, but managed to give them the slip by turning invisible and then hiding beneath a table. Once the search died down, he explored the area and saw a security room with a bunch of viewing orbs and a handful of other staff rooms. In one room he found a collection of staff uniforms, so he took several before successfully making his way back to the room without any more trouble.
Then he went looking for the Bull.
Bull, during all of this, had been at one of the bars, buying the most expensive drink they served (a hefty 300 gold pan-galactic gargle blaster (yes, that’s right)) for every person that came in and telling whoever would listen the entire story of the campaign so far. The latter pretty much only constituted the bartender, since everyone who drank one of the drinks passed out straight away. But, by the time he had to leave the bar at five in the morning and return to the room, he had amassed a debt of 19500 gold… just from the drinks. Shocking, I know.
After finding Bull, Mortimer agreed with his plan to gather a massive tab for… some reason? so he went to the casino. He found out that one person could only get 1000 gold worth of chips in credit, so by pretending to be his own brother and then his sister (triplets) he managed to gather 3000 gold’s worth. This was the end of the debt amassing, but for those keeping count, it resulted in the party owing 31375 gold to the hotel. And remember, they cannot leave the island until it’s paid off somehow. Also remember, this is about a thousand times the amount of gold the party actually had in their possession.
But there is a light at the end of this tunnel. While blowing his money on the slot machines, Mortimer had an epiphany. Using his Returning Weapon artificer infusion (and thanks to a generous DM that will always reward creative application of class abilities that don’t stretch things too too far) he enchanted a chip and got to work. Every time the chip entered a machine, he would summon it back (subtly, of course). By the time the night was over and he was heading back to the room, he had earned 5800 gold via this method, and no one seemed any the wiser. Basically, he had discovered the infinite gold cheat.
But, finally, with the party all back in the room, at something like dawn, we ended the session. And what a session.
Again, I haven’t quite captured how it all went, but I’ve done my best. And I was really happy with how the session turned out, as I explained earlier. Yes, Mortimer’s returning coin trick may have been a bit of a stretch of the rules, but it was clever, and it was exactly the kind of thing I would hope to get away with in a similar situation.
Now I’m looking forward to what the party tries next. They still have to get the shard somehow, and aside from having some uniforms, they’ve not really made any steps towards doing so. But I guess we’ll see what happens next session, so make sure you tune in next week to see how it all goes down.