For this one-shot, the basic premise was that we were a party of tomb raiders delving into an Egyptian-themed tomb in search of treasure. We were on the clock, because some mysterious opposition was only a few hours behind us, so were unable to rest too often. And our characters were at level 10. That was basically the setup.
The party consisted firstly of my character, a duergar war mage wizard called Boomstick, who sported an eye patch and mutton chops, carried a grenade launcher (that I never ended up using), and made the questionable choice of constantly smoking a cigar while having a bandolier of dynamite strapped across his chest. Then we had Bran, a half-orc barbarian (path of the ancients) who made up in muscles what he lacked in intelligence, walking around with his hirsute chest exposed and oiled up for the world – and especially himself – to see. And finally, being played by a completely new player, we had Eekh, an aarakocra champion fighter that was… well, a goose. And a kleptomaniac. And did I mention a goose? Because he was a goose.
So, basically, I created a dude who was a walking explosion waiting to happen, and I still ended up being the sensible one of the party. D&D, amiright?
As we began the session, we had a relatively simple mirror-reflecting-light puzzle to solve in order to open up a door in the seemingly doorless entrance chamber. Once I could wrangle Eekh to stop looking for things to steal and Bran to stop looking at himself in one of the mirrors for long enough to complete the puzzle, we moved on through and found ourselves in a series of maze-like passages. They were extensive, and included several dead-ends, and eventually we found ourselves in one of those dead ends that also contained a skeleton wearing an amulet.
Before we could properly investigate what we had found, Eekh scooped up the amulet and triggered a loud cracking sound from back the way we had come. I took the amulet away from the goose to see if I could figure out what he had just triggered, but we soon discovered it was mummies. As we later discovered, a wall we had previously passed had come down to reveal five mummies that were now coming up right behind us in the passageway.
Bran took the lead in blocking them off, but quickly discovered that his mundane battleaxe wasn’t particularly effective against them. Eekh, too, found that his mundane bow was likewise less-effective. But then I hit one with a Firebolt. And did double damage.
Needless to say, on my next turn I hit them with a Fireball. Not only did it incinerate all five mummies, ending the encounter in an instant, but it burned off all of Bran’s chest hair, which was hilarious. He consoled himself by lathering himself up with some more oil before we moved on.
Our investigation soon found us at a door which, when opened, revealed a room filled with treasure. Eekh, not having learned from the amulet episode and overcome with gold lust, immediately dove in. As he discovered that the gold was actually just painted wood, the door slammed shut behind him, before either Bran or I could enter the room. And then it started filling with acid.
Inside the room, Eekh started to panic and climbed up onto a golden ox statue before he started to be cooked, while outside, Bran set to the door with a crowbar, which melted, and then his battleaxe, which snapped, both due to magic warding on the room. Me, being the fool that knew but had not prepared either Dispel Magic or Knock, set to blowing a hole in the wall with dynamite. I did manage a crack with my first attempt, but on my second try, where I upped the ante with a whole load more dynamite, I didn’t accomplish much else, mainly because I rolled less than four on nine of the ten d6’s for damage. It was brutal.
Meanwhile, Bran had found some tools and was hacking his way through the wall. But eventually, only once he had reached the point where he was now swimming in acid, Eekh realised the ox’s horns were pointing the wrong way, and when he fixed them the acid drained and the door opened. And then Bran cracked a whole in the wall and using his oiled up body, slipped through it like an elephant being born to give Eekh (and I) a big, relieved hug.
Then we took a short rest, because Eekh had been fried. By the end of the rest, he looked like a mummified goose with all the bandages. Luckily, I was also able to mend Bran’s axe with Mending, but there was nothing to be done for the crowbar.
We recovered a potion from the acid room, the only legitimate piece of treasure to be found in it, before moving on to the next one. This room had a sword at the far side, but the floor was covered in a series of very-obviously-pressure-sensitive-tiles with a variety of symbols. I was able to make out one symbol on the sword, which was the first in the sequence, but I couldn’t see the rest.
So I asked Bran to toss me. My plan was to grab the sword and Misty Step back, but I missed the sword and hit the ground instead. The trap on the tile I landed on activated, turning me deaf, but otherwise it was all right. I was actually convinced that Bran had been turned mute, and when I said so, he became convinced as well, but otherwise I was able to see the rest of the symbols and direct Bran to follow the path to solve the puzzle. We now had the sword, the second of five important items (as we were to learn later on). Also, the deafness eventually went away.
The next room we found was filled with quicksand, but when I took a look at the treasure (an ebony fly) on the far side of the room I got the impression the trick was to give yourself to the sand. I rolled a wisdom check to see if I was foolhardy enough to just dive in, and with a natural 1, I jumped without hesitation. I landed and was immediately sucked down, causing the others to start panicking.
Buried under the sand, it took me a minute but I eventually found a lever and pulled it, ended the effect of the quicksand and being deposited further back up the tunnels, in a spot we had passed before. As I made my way back to the others, Bran began digging at the sand in a mad panic – with his hands, despite having a shovel – while Eekh swiped the fly. When I eventually did get back to them and come up behind Bran to ask what he was looking for, he kept digging in a panic until he eventually realised it was me, the one he was digging for, that was now standing behind him, talking to him.
We moved on from there, and our search led us to a door which was marked with five images of items: a vial, a sword, a fly, a shield, and a rope. So as we moved on, we knew we were looking for a shield and a rope.
Both proved easy to get. The shield was held by a scorpion statue that stabbed Bran and injected him with a tiny amount of poison before relinquishing it, and the rope was protected by a Sphynx. She asked us a riddle and Eekh managed to figure it out. As we left, Bran also tried to make friends with her, but she was having none of it. He looked quite sad about that, so I cast Grease on him to oil (and hopefully cheer) him up.
We made our way back to the door with the markings, and as we approached, it opened and we entered the throne room. Or equivalent, I guess. This is where the sarcophagus containing the big dude whose tomb this was was located.
I approached the sarcophagus to see if there were markings indicating that the dude was going to wake up and attack us if we touched anything, but before I could investigate, Eekh touched some coins and the dude woke up and attacked us. The door also shut, and two more scary mummy dudes came out of statues to back up their boss. Begin the fight.
The fight did not go well for us. The two mummies hit hard, and the big bad guy hit harder. Plus I totally fluffed a Steel Wind Strike on my first turn, rolling low on the damage for the only one I actually hit. But it was when Eekh got paralysed for a round that things started to look dire.
Bran managed to finish off the mummy that I had hit with Steel Wind Strike, but in the meantime Eekh was brought down to less than twenty hit points. So, I turned him into a t. rex. Naturally.
It was the only thing that kept him alive… for the moment. He and Bran finished off the other mummy, but the big guy was dropping Insect Swarms on us and smacking us around something fierce. I managed to remember that I had Counterspell in time to stop him tearing me a new one, but between the spells Bran was brought down. Twice, technically, thanks to his Relentless Endurance.
So I decided to do the sensible thing, and blow everything to shit. Grabbing hold of the big bad mummy (who, incidentally, was also held in the tyrannosaurus goose’s jaws) I cast a 5th level Fireball directly into his chest. Literally inches from the dynamite strapped all over me.
To say the explosion was big would be an understatement. The big bad mummy turned to dust, and I turned to mist. As the dust settled – the dust of the entire complex being turned back into desert, that is – Bran was the only one left alive. Eekh, unfortunately, failed his death saving throws. That goose was cooked.
And that was that. The one-shot finished with Bran waking up in the desert and probably not having a single clue as to what the hell happened.
All in all, it was good fun. I do feel a little guilty about killing a first time player’s first ever character, but at least it makes a helluva story. Plus, it looks like that player is going to join our regular campaign, so that’s exciting. We’ll see how that shakes up the dynamic of the party.
So, tune in next week to meet that new character and see what hijinks the firm of Gib, Sarek and Orgonbrand get into next.