About time, huh? Couldn’t agree more.
Actually, this challenge (I can hardly call it this week’s challenge) has me thinking about possibly changing the format. I’m still not 100% on it, so keep tuned for the next round of restrictions which will go up on Monday and explain the change (if it happens). But I will say that it has to do with the genre restriction, specifically.
Anyways, because you’ve probably forgotten, here were this challenge’s restrictions:
Title: Game Of Gnomes
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Dialogue: “I can’t stop farting.”
Technical: The story has to be written as dialogue, so no descriptive text beyond ‘he said’, ‘she said’ etc.
And here is the story itself. Enjoy.
Game Of Gnomes
“Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Game Of Gnomes, the show about love, heartbreak, and of course, gnomes. Tonight our contestant is Roger, a flower consultant from Stoke. Don’t ask me what a flower consultant does, he explained it to me himself and I still have no idea.
“Before the break Roger had finally narrowed it down to his last two candidates, Nicole and Shannen. He and Nicole were enjoying a fabulous date and it really looked like she was going to be the lucky one. I don’t know about you folks at home, but I was just about ready to drop a fiver on that one. But disaster, as Nicole uttered those four fateful words: ‘I can’t stop farting’, and in a shocking upset, Roger bid her goodbye. By the way, ladies and gentlemen, we have a poll up on our website asking whether Nicole’s confession would have been a deal breaker for you. So far ninety-eight percent of you say ‘no’, which leads me to wonder, what the hell was Roger thinking?
“Anyway, that wasn’t to be the last of Roger’s troubles. As we saw just before the break, it was revealed to him that his final choice, Shannen, was actually his cousin… Larry. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Shannen, the beauty therapist from Hildenborough, used to be a man. And related to Roger to boot. As you can probably imagine, Roger didn’t take the deception well. He has since decided that maybe Nicole’s farting isn’t such a bad thing after all. When we left him, he was racing to the airport where Nicole is about to get onto a plane with Steve, Roger’s best friend into whose arms she fell after she was so viciously rejected, on an all-expenses paid trip to the Maldives.
“As we return to the action, Roger has just made it onto the tarmac in time to see Nicole and Steve heading for the plane. He’s running for them, screaming out to get their attention and, oh, ladies and gentlemen, they’ve just seen him. Nicole is having a word with Steve, and now she’s coming forward to meet Roger. He’s reached her now, ladies and gentlemen, and he’s gesturing wildly, obviously explaining what a twat he’s been. Oh my god, ladies and gentlemen, he’s down on one knee. Is he pleading? No, he is most definitely proposing. Nicole has her hands to her mouth. She is in shock. I doubt she was expecting that when she woke up this morning. She is literally trembling, ladies and gentlemen. And- oh no! She’s slapped him. She has given him a high flat one, right across the cheek – good form, open palm, just below the cheekbone for maximum pain transference. She’s done that before.
“Now Nicole is return to Steve at the foot of the stairs. Roger is still there, on one knee, looking quite stunned, I must say. I guess he really believed he could get her back. Hold on, ladies and gentlemen, Nicole is turning around. She’s turning around and hurrying back to Roger. Maybe it was just an act, payback for his rudeness. Roger is standing up, and even from this distance I can see a twinkle of hope in his eyes. Nicole’s reached him and- oooooh. She has just kicked him where it hurts, ladies and gentlemen, and I don’t mean his broken heart. She is now striding back to the plane, looking quite pleased with herself, and I can’t say I blame her. A slap is something you can come back from, but a kick to the cojones, not so much.
“They’re on the plane now, ladies and gentlemen, and Roger is still writhing around on the ground. Not surprised about that, though – if you recall, Nicole plays football in her spare time, so she’s got one hell of a kick on her. He’ll be feeling that one for a while.
“Roger is finally on his feet now, ladies and gentlemen, he’s limping of course, but at least he’s moving. The plane, Nicole, and Roger’s last chance of love are all gone, and there is only one thing left to do. As if on cue, our fairy has just appeared in front of Roger, and, yes, turned him into a gnome. He has a very surprised look on his face – apparently he didn’t believe us when we told him that was the price of failure. He won’t be making that mistake again.
“Well, that’s all from us, ladies and gentleman. Tune in next week when our contestant will be Keith, a hairdresser from Milton Keynes. In the meantime, take care, and remember: in the Game Of Gnomes, you win, or you gnome. Goodnight, everybody.”